Five years ago today, Jay and I fell hopelessly in love. We were online friends for a year, and then at some point both of our situations changed and the conversations became different. While he was in Iraq we spent hours on the phone, writing and getting to know each other virtually. The depth of our questions and thoughts were intense, the sound of his voice gave me goosebumps, the poetry that flowed out of me was on fire. Finally we met face to face (8/19/06) , and I was nervous about what he would think of me, but I knew that I already loved him. The year that followed was such a beautiful dance inspired by destiny, love, magic and a need to be understood. The memories of all of this were both the foundation that has saved us through trying times and the glaring reminder of what we have since moved away from. Love grows, twists and changes while it survives. To say I am grateful is just not enough. But I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss the rush, the weightlessness beneath lips, the hyper vibration of new love. Of course its not all gloom, Jay has become my best friend, my strongest ally, my finest opponent, my biggest teacher and my daydreaming idealist partner. I was never taught, nor did I ever witness, what love evolves in to. My parents weren’t in love and the people around me who were, kept this knowledge to themselves. We are conditioned to seek the rush and then what? But what becomes when a couple survives pain, loss, disappointment and real life, is an amazing thing. I feel a part of something that I never knew I wanted. It has allowed me to grow and blossom into the woman I never knew I was or could be. Its amazing…Seven months after meeting we got engaged, five months after getting engaged, we got pregnant. Marriage plans stalled, money priorities shifted and being the people we are, we haven’t gotten around to it yet. Maybe we will, maybe we won’t. In my heart, we were married years ago by the transformation of our selves into us.